A Toast To The Ones That Fight For One Another. Over And Over Again.

So there's this article. And it went viral. The type of viral where you open up your Facebook and wonder if it's broken or having "technical difficulties" because this article is ALL. YOU. SEE. Post. After post. After post. You get the point.

 So, needless to say, you may have read it. You may have even posted it. It's titled 23 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Engaged Before You're 23.

The article just screams girl power, independence, freedom, and everything else enticing and dazzling that the world tells me I should want and have at this age. So to be quite honest with you, I read it and then felt guilty for wanting to get married someday. I bought into her theory (for a half second) that marriage is a cop-out. A settling. A safety blanket. A thing for the ones that want comfort.

So for awhile a minute I tried acting like I didn't want to get married. And put on a show (for me, myself, and I) like I wanted to be some big bad adventuring world traveler that "don't need no man". But that didn't last for long. It was only a moment later that I was day-dreaming about raising a family, waking up next to the love of my life each morning, and then getting out of our warm cozy bed to go raise a baby that poops on us and drools all day long.

Yes, I'm single. And I love it. I really do. Being single is fabulous. But the dream I've had since I was old enough to dream has been to one day settle down, be a wife, and raise a family. That's it. That's my dream. And I'm done feeling bad or guilty or weird for that being my dream.

Because you know what? I think it's a noble dream to dream.

And if you're anything like me, you're scared to death of vocalizing a dream like that because you think it will somehow "jinx" you and make you end up a lonely cat lady until the day you die. So you play reverse psychology with Cupid and say things like, "I don't wanna get married, anyways" because everyone you see that says that ends up walking down the aisle 2.5 seconds later.

 I'm not married. So I'm confident that I'm absolutely and positively 99% naive about all-things-marriage. So sue me if I'm wrong, but I think marriage is one of the most courageous things you could ever walk into. And one of the most difficult. It's not a dream for the faint of heart. It's not a dream for those seeking comfort. It will be one of the most uncomfortable, difficult, but most rewarding and beautiful things you could ever say yes to.

...

I've had to back out carefully from these boxes of what people think it means to be "single and somehow waiting" because they will suffocate me and I won't remember how to want you any longer. 

I'm caught in a world that tells me to never settle and then double backs to tell me that I shouldn't have too high of expectations. That people aren't perfect. And fairy tales aren't perfect. I know that.

Darling, I'm not looking for some Cinderella story. Jeepers, I will go barefoot if you wanna roll that way. I'm not looking for you to buy me roses every day. I am not going to chastise you for improper grammar (though words spelt out fully in text messages are SO much sexier). I haven't married you in my mind already (don't worry), simply because I don't even know yet if you like cookie dough ice cream and I think I would have to know that first. And let's just be honest, I would be content with a pixie stick and a ring made out of a straw wrapper if it meant we could focus on faithfulness instead of fluff. 

 Because the girl that wrote that article was right about a lot. She's right about the fact that marriage isn't what it used to be. That the divorce rates are out of this world. That selfishness has become a plague within our society that is literally suffocating and slaughtering marriages left and right. Because of all the fluff. Because of all the lies that Hollywood feeds us. Because of our inability to put others before ourselves. But I wanna be on the front lines of this fight- this fight to show the world what sacrificial love looks like, what it acts like, and what it talks like.

But my worry with this dream comes from living in a world where “goodbye” is rarely ever meant because technology has made it easier for us to hold on to old flames just a little longer. And we make movies out of unresolved love stories that leave other girls and guys standing like fools at the altars, left not chosen because their partner’s heart never found the endurance it would take to let an old love die. And so they stopped being honest. And they let it get too far. My worry comes from knowing we still get weak in the knees and we wonder “what if” because it excites us and it gives us adventure. But it breaks our hearts all over again. All at the same time.

Or, on the other hand, we live in a world where people give up too easily, say goodbye too quickly, and demand perfection too frequently. We live in a world that makes movies all about how magical and easy falling in love and staying in love is. When in reality, love is A FIGHT. A brutal one, at that. 

 

So trust me, I’m not asking for a fairy tale. I'm asking for you to fight.

Forget the pumpkin. Forget the dress. But I expect that both of us are going to show up to this thing like gladiators. With shields. And swords. And cool armor. And all the things it would take to fight for one another, over & over & over again.  You, my dear, are already my favorite thing to fight for. Did you know that? I don’t even need to know the color of your eyes or the quirk in your laugh to know I’m going to fight for you like crazy.

And every single day I grow stronger as a woman, and a leader, and future Someone to you someday but everyday until then I am reminded of just how fragile you already are to me.

And so I’d rather wait here, not giving trial runs and free subscriptions to my heart out up until the day you come around. I’d rather stay here and learn the crooks and corners of this heart of mine for myself before I ever think you could attempt to understand it too. I don’t need to know your every footstep. I don’t care all the places you’ve been. I just want a loyalty that this world won’t give us.

That’s worth waiting for. It’s worth sacrificing everything for it.

I might never get the rose from another guy for as long as it takes for you to get here. I. Don’t. Care. Because if and when I find you, that is it.

You get all my human affections. You get all of me. A deal is a deal is a deal. 

I’m yours.