Once Upon A Time

Once upon a time, I had a boyfriend. And once upon a time, it was wonderful, beautiful, magical, pure, and so innocent. I thought our relationship was "breakup proof". I thought we were somehow immune to ever breaking up. I thought this fairytale was one that would certainly pass the test of time.

Well, what I thought could never happen, happened. In a flash. In a blur. In an unreal, "pinch me, I must be dreaming" kind of way. Gone. Done. Game over. It was a surreal moment. I still remember the look on his face, the smell of my freshly cleaned hair, the taste of supreme anxiousness, and the poignant sound of heartbreak. I'm not kidding, people. It was almost as if I could literally hear my heart crack right down the middle. Yet somehow, I held myself together. The breakup didn't take long. Just a simple explanation was sufficient. Almost two years of relationship was ended in the matter of what seemed like two minutes. And then he was gone.

"Breathe, Cassandra."

My sweet friends had to remind me to do that quite a few times for the next several days. It's funny, really, how heartbreak can even physically pain you. I've never gone through a break up, heartbreak, or anything of the sorts, so this is all new territory for me. I was scared to death of losing my once-upon-a-time-boyfriend (I HATE the term "ex-boyfriend" so for now he is deemed my "once-upon-a-time-boyfriend" until someone else comes up with a more endearing term for those previous little lovers of ours). The only thing I knew of breakups is what I had heard from others- which were all horrific, gut-wrenching, sad sob stories. "Great. So this is what I have to look forward to for the next several months. Buckle up, Cass", is what I thought to myself as he uttered the words to me, "So... I think this is over."

I've learned something though.

It doesn't have to be horrific. It doesn't have to be gut-wrenching. It doesn't have to make you sob endlessly for weeks. Ladies, please listen to me. Your breakup has the potential to only make you or break you. There is no middle ground, though. It will either destroy you and obliterate you, or it will empower you and inspire you. And YOU have the power to choose which way you will let it take you- up or down. Up or down, baby. But either way, you're not staying where you are, so make a decision. And make it fast before the decision is made for you and gravity starts violently tugging you down.

I don't know about you, but I thought my breakup would annihilate me. I thought I'd spend the next year of my life sitting on my couch eating chocolates, watching sad love movies, and wondering why the heck I let myself fall in love in the first place. But when push comes to shove, and that moment of heartbreak actually presents itself to you, you find out what you're made of. The cool thing about trials is that they reveal your strength (or lack thereof) in ways that no other circumstance could. It's seasons like this that show you how knit your spirit truly is (or isn't) with Jesus.

The truth of the matter is, if you belong to Jesus and He belongs to you, there is absolutely nothing to fear. No amount of grief is too much to bear if He's there. All questions subside in His presence. All worries die before His face. All injustices are taken care of if laid down at His feet. I remember moments after the breakup, crying aloud to God, "Okay. Here's Your moment to shine. You LITERALLY really are going to have to be more than enough." (As if I thought He didn't follow through on His word...)

And WHOA, did He show up! As sad as heartbreak is, I wouldn't trade this season of my life for anything. It's an oxymoron, really, but walking through this season of heartbreak has been my favorite season of life thus far. I'm learning so much about myself and about The Lord that I don't think I would have learned if He didn't take that relationship from me. I'm learning what it means to be content in every situation; to have joy in the midst of pain; to smile and laugh because life is too short to stay sad; to do things that I've never done before; to love extravagantly because no loss is too much to bear; to make new friends; to enjoy this new intimacy that The Lord offers the brokenhearted; and most of all, to trust with reckless abandon that I have nothing to fear.

So, girls, no more sitting on the couch eating ice cream trying to ease the pain. No more sitting and thinking for hours, trying to figure out where it all went wrong. No more comparing yourself to every other girl your ex ever talks to again. No more timidity or fear of falling in love again. Stand up, beautiful girl, and turn your gaze to Jesus. The promises and life He offers you in this time SO FAR OUTWEIGH any amount of pain you feel right now. Get up. Go dance. Go sing. Go find things to be thankful for, cause they're there. And once you find them, and once you start outwardly giving thanks and training your mind to only think of those things which are "pure, lovely, admirable, and true" (Phil. 4:8), you will find that this breakup may have been the best thing to ever happen to you.